Game of Thrones is back, and it’s all coming up roses for nobody at all.


HBO’s original series, Game of Thrones, made a hell of a comeback last night. Did you watch? There was everything to be expected from an episode of Game of Thrones–blood, nudity, puke and a creepy corpse! Read about the episode below (spoilers, obviously)…

The episode begins with a young Cersei Lannister bossing around an old witch, who can tell the future by tasting her clients’ blood. Young Cersei asks, “I’ve been promised to the prince? When will we marry?” The witch responds, “You will never wed the prince. You will wed the king.” Cersei is asking about Prince Rhaegar, Daenerys’s older brother, who eventually married Elia Martell (Oberyn Martell’s sister, remember?!) and then promptly kidnapped Lyanna Stark. Rhaegar is eventually killed by Robert Baratheon, the new king. The fortune teller also tell Cersei that the king will have twenty children, but she will have only three; finally, the fortune teller says that she will be queen “for a time” but someone younger and fairer will come for her seat (ahem, Margaery Tyrell).

In the meantime, Tywin’s weird corpse with the rocks made to look like eyes on his eyes remind us that we’re on the hunt for a villain. Joffrey and Tywin are dead, and that leaves three major players in line to be the main antagonist: Roose Bolton, Cersei Lannister or…Stannis Baratheon.

Hear me out about Stannis. Stannis believes he is the one true king, and he’s got weird smoke-baby Melisandre by his side. In this episode, we see Stannis at The Wall asking Mance Rayder to serve him in his army. Mance, the King of the North, bows to no one and is promptly burned alive by Melisandre for everyone to watch. Stannis allows this because he’s nuts! I’m not sure if this was supposed to allude to the Mad King Aerys, but it definitely did, who has been mentioned before to burning King’s Landing before Robert’s Rebellion happened. Stannis is also a powerful figure, and has a large army and the right name, but he’s just mean and prideful. As we all know in this show, pride won’t get you anywhere except dead, and so we see the first act of defiance against Stannis: Jon shoots Mance with an arrow to end his suffering at the stake. JON SNOW FOR KING.

Across the Narrow Sea, Tyrion and Varys are in Pentos. Tyrion, who’s spent the last few days (or even weeks, maybe), in a crate. He emerges in the home of Ilyrio Mopatis (you might remember him from season one), a merchant and a man loyal to the Targaryen cause. It looks like Varys and Tyrion are going to meet up with Dany in Mereen.

Dany, meanwhile, can’t seem to control anything. She’s locked up two of her dragons because they keep killing kids, but Drogon is still missing. The Order of the Harpy, a guerrilla group, isn’t happy with her new society without slaves so they are killing her Unsullied army. She’s pretty much losing the city because she hasn’t yet demonstrated that she respects the culture of the Free Cities. She’s still hooking up with Daario Naharis, though, so she’s got that going for her. Maybe when she finally meets up with Tyrion, his aptness for politics will help her achieve what she needs to.

What did you think of this week’s episode?


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